An advice column for the woman who has no one to ask.
Submit your question anonymously. Every week one letter gets answered. Honestly, from experience, without judgment.
Not therapy. Not clinical advice. Just one woman answering another the way she wished someone had answered her.“I want to start earning my own money but I don’t know where to begin. My husband isn’t controlling. He’s supportive. But I still feel guilty every time I think about wanting something for myself. Is that normal?”
Anonymous, mom of 3, married 8 yearsYes. It is completely normal. And the guilt is worth examining, because it is telling you something important.
The guilt is about you. About having spent so long making yourself small that wanting something now feels like breaking some agreement you do not remember signing. You did not sign it. It was just assumed. And you absorbed it the way women absorb most things. Quietly, without realizing it was happening.
The fact that he is supportive is a gift. Your financial independence is about you having ground to stand on. Options. The internal knowledge that you could handle things if you had to. That confidence is one of the best things you can bring to your marriage.
As for where to begin: start smaller than you think you need to. Not a business plan. Not a career overhaul. One skill you could offer. One thing you know how to do that someone else would pay for. One hour a week that belongs entirely to building something of your own. The momentum comes from starting, not from having it figured out.
You are allowed to want this. The guilt will get quieter when the doing gets louder.
With love, HERNo. But it is something you can actively reclaim. Here is where to start.
Read the full answer →Nothing is wrong with you. But something might be happening in your brain worth understanding.
Read the full answer →Yes. Here is exactly what I would do with $200, a phone, and a quiet hour after bedtime.
Read the full answer →